staying hopeful through infertility

This may well be the most challenging blog post I've ever written. No, scratch that. It was fairly easy to write, but it took some time to gain the courage to hit the publish button. Thankfully, I'm braver today than I was a few years ago when infertility entered our lives like an unwanted house guest not willing to leave. It's important for me to share my story and help others learn that they aren't alone. By speaking out, I'm also hoping to lessen the stigma and shame associated with infertility.

The picture above is of me being my usual goofy self holding a model of a uterus with my feet up in stirrups in a waiting room at the Regional Fertility and Women's Endocrinology Clinic this past weekend. Scott and I were there to find out if, after trying for three years on our own, we were getting the green light to begin in vitro fertilization (IVF).  To pass the time, because there is a lot of waiting with infertility appointments, we took silly pictures. This is the only one you're allowed to see. I mean it (;

We did end up getting the go ahead from our doctor and I'm now the proud owner of more than a dozen needle marks on my stomach. That's the first part of the process: self administering hormones to stimulate the ovaries. I'm deathly afraid of needles so Scott, who I'm calling my hunky Florence Nightingale these days, has the job of jabbing me. I joke with him that his EMR training is finally paying off.  Secretly, my heart gushes with love for this man who supports and loves me and is so careful not to hurt me.

I'm not going to get into the entire process of IVF here, just know it's involved, invasive and expensive. It was a decision we took a lot of time to make and I'm glad we did. I don't feel like we're in limbo any more. When you're struggling with unexplained infertility, every month is an emotional roller coaster of hope and anticipation, followed by heartbreaking disappointment and frustration. With IVF, I'm trusting in my doctor and my body and letting the rest go. I haven't always been so zen about it but I've come to a place in my life where I've chosen to move forward with hope and positivity. I'm also using this breathing method to help me through my anxiousness during ultrasounds (which I now call dildo cam time, haha!).

Now more than ever, I'm grateful for the good people in my life. It means so much to get a phone call or text from a friend or family member simply asking, "How are you doing today D?" It makes me and Scott feel supported, loved and not so alone in all of this.

If you have a friend who is going through infertility issues, acknowledge how much it sucks and then hug, love and support them. They need you more than you know.

As for me, I have five more days of injections left until the egg retrieval process. Please send your positive thoughts and prayers. It's the one time in my life I'm asking for support. Not pity or sympathy, just love <3