the happiest news part 2: a look back, plus baby & belly pictures!

// 13 weeks //

Thank you all so much for your sweet comments on my last post announcing our twin pregnancy! It feels good to finally let everyone know we are expecting and that our IVF journey was successful. I'm devoting the rest of this week to answering all of your texts, comments and emails (we've received an overwhelming response from the blog post and CTV story detailing our journey and are feeling the love!).

Here's a look back at some important dates following our egg retrieval:

June 16, 2015: We had our frozen embryo transfer today (FET). Compared to the retrieval and post retrieval recovery, this was easy peasy. I slow walked into the procedure room humming the Rocky theme song and I skipped out PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) with my bright fuschia lipstick still intact. The entire procedure took about 20 minutes in total. Those are our 5 day old baby blastocysts in the picture below.

June 16 to June 25, 2015: The oftentimes dreaded 2WW, two week waiting period, before my beta (blood test). I relaxed and didn't stress, still drank my one cup of tea per day, meditated and used the 4-7-8 breathing method, walked Lucy two to three times a day, ate healthy 80% of the time with 20% allotted to gelato, had fun with family and friends, took my supplements, vitamins and watched bad reality television. In other words, I lived my life and kept busy. I am proud of myself for not testing early (some women take a pregnancy test every day following transfer but I do not recommend it because you'll drive yourself mad). Plus, the HCG in your body could give you a false positive or negative. I kept my sanity by waiting patiently to hear the results of the blood test from a professional. Patience is key. So try your best not to obsess. This article may help with that.

First beta: 9dp5ft: 399 (I'm pregnant! Elation sets in.)
Second beta: 11dp5dt 1146
Third beta: 17dp5dt 13, 340
dp = days past transfer // ft = frozen transfer // 5 = five day old blastocysts were implanted

When I saw these numbers multiplying exponentially, a part of me secretly hoped it was twins.

July 20, 2015: Our first ultrasound at 7 weeks! As soon as the ultrasound technician said the words, "This is Twin A and this is Twin B," we were both in awe. I burst out crying while Scott just kept looking incredulously from me to the screen and back again to me. Huge moment. So much to be thankful for.

After we left the clinic, I couldn't get myself to go home. Instead, I wandered through the J.Crew outlet store (meh!), checked out patio umbrellas at Rona and then went to IKEA for a solo swedish meatball dinner (my guilty pleasure!). I was in a state of happy shock and thought I could process the news with some retail therapy. But I didn't buy a thing, go figure.

August 6, 2015: First ob/gyn appointment. Dr. Chris Hoskins was referred to me by my friend Rosa. Unbeknownst to me, he is also one of the top ten ob/gyns in Edmonton. I quite liked the dude. Best part about him, aside from the fact the man is brilliant? He got my sense of humour, he had a sense of humour and a lovely New Zealand accent, too. Plus, he introduced himself and shook my hand. That makes him an instant winner in my books.

August 12, 2015: Second ultrasound. I was having some localized abdominal pain and wanted to allay my fears. You should have seen Scott's face while watching the ultrasound technician showing him both heartbeats and wee little moving arms and legs. He was like a kid on Christmas morning. My heart almost burst from happiness. He's going to be such a great dad!

August 29, 2015: Nuchal translucency ultrasound. This is a screening for chromosomal abnormalities. The results came back showing numbers equivalent to those of a pregnant 35 year old. So happy!

September 21, 2015: First appointment with Monica Patt, an acupuncturist who works closely with infertility and IVF patients and also provides pregnancy care. I'm hoping she can help me with my anxiety, heartburn and migraine issues. My first session went well (I had fun and laughed a lot!) and I can totally see us becoming fast pals. Hope she's reading this (;

September 23, 2015: Received a phone call from a geneticist at the Lois Hole Hospital for Women with the news my Harmony prenatal test results had come back with a low risk for Trisomy 21 (Down's syndrome), 18 (Edwards syndrome) and 13 (Patau syndrome). Sweet relief.

// 16 weeks //

September 25, 2015: 16 weeks of pregnancy! The realization this is really happening is slowly setting in, and the fears have left both my heart and mind. We are pregnant. IVF worked for us and I can't even begin to explain the joy, relief and gratefulness I feel.

I am going to be a mama! It feels amazing to finally say those words after so long.

If you're eager for little pregnancy updates and periodic twin news, be sure to follow me on Instagram or Facebook. I regularly post personal tidbits over there. And one more big thank you for your well wishes, love, encouragement and for following along. It feels so good to have you sharing in our excitement. xoxo

********

If you're reading this and going through infertility, I get it. Infertility sucks. It's toxic. It cripples you. It hurts when your friends lap you. It's devastating to hear about babies and pregnancy and family. It makes you doubt your body, your sanity, your faith, your everything. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. You can email me at dajanaf@yahoo.com and we can meet at The Tea Girl and sit and chat. Cry too, if needed. In the past three weeks, I've met with three different women to talk about all things infertility and IVF. It helps to speak with someone who has gone through it.

Resources I found helpful:

Facebook groups (these are private closed groups, no one will see that you've joined):

• Edmonton Infertility Support Group
• IVF Support Canada
• Fertility Matters Canada Facebook page  (an open resource page)

Books:

• It Starts with the Egg
• Inconceivable

Website:

• Fertility Matters (Formerly Infertility Awareness Association of Canada)

The Kind of September

�The early morning light was over everything and summer had glanced back and waved a fleeting hand at the day with soft airs and the lingering warmth of sunshine.�

One of my dearest friends passed along that quote to me and I think it perfectly matches the poignant days of September when summer blows its farewell kiss.  We are having beautiful September days in New England.  It is too soon for the leaves to change colors but signs of autumn are everywhere - the sea is steel grey from a distance and mornings are refreshingly cool.  Although I'm not yet up to unpacking sweaters, I do believe I will be wearing them soon.  Sweater Days are on our doorstep and the muse is perched upon my shoulder again.

Golden days inspire me with nostalgia.  Memories are so much more heartrending because September's backdrop is postcard blue skies and whispering breezes.  It's as if everything that happens in September is something lovely to be kept beside your pillow.

~

I ran into a sweet high school boyfriend at our town's annual parade one September long ago -  the day before we were both due back on college campuses.  More than a year had passed since our tender teenage parting but we spent a happy hour sitting together on the parade sidelines with warm rays of sun bathing us in a lemon glow.  When the parade ended, the crowd snapped shut folding chairs and meandered away leaving us alone on the sidewalk.  We knew the time had come to say goodbye.  I stood and shyly looked into his surprisingly misty eyes and felt a tightening lump in my throat which made it impossible to speak. He reached out and softly ran his knuckle up my bare arm as he looked back into my eyes.  Just before he turned and disappeared behind a grove of trees in the park, he mouthed a soundless sad "goodbye".  On my way home, on streets and alleys so familiar I can name them today, I knew my friend and I had grown up.  And then, just then... I felt a shiver in the breeze that told me summer was gone.

the happiest news: we're all kinds of pregnant!

Well, hi. Wondering what I've been up to since my Mexico post? I took the entire summer off from blogging to start growing a couple of babies.

Yes, it's true!

After struggling with infertility for several years, I couldn't be more thrilled to announce that Scott and I are expecting twins in the new year (insert heart and confetti emojis here)!

It's been difficult to keep this news a secret and I've had to bite my tongue many times over the past few months. We're beyond elated and I'm not sure there are words sufficient enough to describe how we feel and how grateful we are (which is ironic coming from a lady who usually has so many words). Our hearts are bursting with love, happiness, excitement and joy and yeah, we're scared and nervous too but we'll figure things out, we always do.

We're finally growing our family! And yet even as I type those words, it still feels surreal. Not a day goes by that I don't turn to Scott and say, "Can you believe we're pregnant, dude? With twins? I'm so excited for us." And then I usually start to cry, overwhelmed by all of the emotions that come with yearning for something for so long and then finally having it become a reality. 

I�m almost 16 weeks along and my energy and appetite are s l o w l y coming back. The first trimester was something else (I had some pretty intense morning all-day sickness)! If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook you may have noticed that my food photos have faded to near oblivion over the past few months. That's because the majority of foods, with the exception of anything my mom made, A&W chicken strips, mangos and Bon Ton Bakery croissants, looked, smelled and tasted like roadkill. As someone who lives, breathes and sleeps food, it was rough going. That said, with every wave of queasiness and bout of exhaustion, I knew something amazing was happening in my body and that the IVF had worked. 

We're incredibly thankful for the army of friends and family who stood behind us during this oftentimes excruciatingly emotional and unpredictable journey. You guys are the best cheerleaders a couple could ever have and we love you. 

Thank you as well to everyone who left encouraging words of love and support on my previous blog posts describing our infertility challenges and our egg retrieval procedure. Your positive thoughts helped carry us through an emotionally, physically and mentally draining time. As I've said before, IVF is not for the faint hearted. But we did it. We totally did it. And did I mention I'm knocked up with two babies?! So crazy good.

And of course a million thank yous to our fertility specialist Dr. Motan, nurse Heather, embryologist Ryan and the countless other staff members we came into contact with at the Regional Fertility Clinic. What a gift it is to help couples like us start a family. You are the loveliest people, you made us feel comfortable throughout the process, allayed our fears time and time again and even put up with my wacky sense of humour. 

At the beginning of this journey, Dr. Motan had promised me twins and a 60 pound weight gain and he delivered. I'm hopeful the 60 pound weight gain is still negotiable. (; 

I'm in Vancouver for the next five days for BlogPodium but more details are to come next Wednesday for those of you interested in the IVF timeline and seeing pictures of our babes and my baby belly (fully clothed, I promise). I started writing that post back in June when we had our frozen embryo transfer. Since then, I've been keeping all kinds of wonderful secrets that I'm now ready to share. Hope to see you back here in a week!

Custom illustration by Mabel Garcia.

P.S. Scott and I were on CTV Edmonton today discussing our infertility journey as well as revealing our pregnancy. You can watch the video here.

Something about Heroes

This handsome chap is a friend's grandfather.  His picture received a lot of attention on my Instagram account.  Knowing how much I love old photographs, even those of people I don't know, my friend regularly drops vintage pictures into my greedy hands.  His grandfather reminds me of the Arrow Shirt and Collar man, although he doesn't have the angular planes to his face that the traditional Arrow illustrations do (see below).  Instead, his allure, although masculine, has the softness of a hero in a Grace Livingston Hill novel.  Hill's champions are always strong men with gentle cores that never drift from right decision in everything they do.  They are usually wealthy but conduct themselves with uncompromising integrity in business as well as - and especially in, love. Often, the hero in a Grace Livingston Hill novel spots a woman who is lovely in being but downtrodden in life.  He becomes her sympathizer first, quietly on the sidelines, and then her protector and defender.  Usually a marriage takes place at the end.

Hill's stories are of course, fiction.  Jane Austen subscribed to the same formula and once wrote, "My ladies shall have all they desire, but only after a bit of trouble".  Austen's novels end with voluptuously satisfying weddings.  I love happy endings and I love the good strong men who make all my literary happy endings possible.  They keep me searching for goodness, chivalry and kindness in our upside-down world.  And they give me hope.

Our good-looking fellow became the town dentist who often took no money for his services. I also have a picture of him in his dental office about 1940, and although the place looks like a truly fearsome torture chamber, he is still remembered and kindly so, 70 years later.  Astonishing.  Handsome benevolence - a winning combination for heroes, in novels and in life.

The dentist...far left.

Heroines and Dressing Gowns

Also called a robe or a wrapper, the dressing gown is a special garment.  My mother always made certain we had warm bathrobes to wear in winter over our pajamas and nightgowns.  My grandmother taught me to drape my robe across the foot of my bed each night.  This shouldn't surprise given that every heroine in any film straight through the 1960's, enrobed herself first and foremost if there was any trouble after midnight, including burglaries and fires.  If my house were ablaze, I don't think I would waste a moment of time putting on a robe before jumping out the bedroom window but I still like to know my favorite wrapper is within reach of my hand anyway.  Just in case.

At home and out of the public eye, a society matron must have taken great pleasure in slipping into her dressing grown after a day of corsetry.  I know I enjoy putting on mine after a long day at the salt mines.  And this summer, I particularly love sweet cooling cotton robes with matching nighties.  I pulled out an old set after our long heat wave began and feel so much more ladylike than if I were padding around in just a skimpy nightgown or worn sweatpants.  Wearing a dressing gown also gives an extra layer of protection should someone come to the door unexpectedly as happened to me recently or if you are an overnight guest at a friend's house.  Somehow, it just seems polite to wear a wrapper - afterall, informality should not be an excuse to be a floozy in someone else's home and in my book, there is still something to be said for modesty.

But what of the feminine dressing gown?  Why has it disappeared from the lexicon of so many women's wardrobes?  I can only imagine it is because life as well as clothing has become so casual these days.  I've always loved lingerie mainly because it is the one remaining bastion in a woman's life where she can still exercise her love of lace, rustles, ribbons, and other purely female vestments that were once also worn on clothing's more formal, public side.  The dressing gown has an enduring intimate glamour.

Many years ago, a pal and I came across quite authentic-looking kimonos.  We were overcome by the vivid prints and silky tactile material.  I only wore mine a few times because the extra-wide sleeves threatened to ignite from my gas stove burners while preparing breakfast and so it hung prettily on the back of my bathroom door.  My friend wore hers to shreds as she traveled often with her pilot husband.  He eventually bought her a real Japanese kimono that was somehow too precious to wear.  But we marveled at it and wrapped ourselves in it by turns - it was just so lovely. Even today, many robes still exhibit an affinity towards exotic "Eastern" influences.

This summer while researching dressing gowns, I chanced upon a robe so dear that tears almost sprang to my eyes.  It fostered so many romantic notions about what a feminine and elegant woman would wear at home in the part of her life that is special and hidden.  It would be a splurge to be sure.  But night after night, my fingers flew to the website that housed this beautiful garment until I realized it had to be mine.  It was harebrained and frivolous but in the end, the cost didn't really break the bank too much and the joy of wearing my dressing gown has paid dividends into my metaphysical pleasure bank.  I love the way the fabric trails behind me brushing my ankles as I turn the corner into the kitchen for evening tea.  It elevates my ordinary even when it's laying in repose at the foot of my bed waiting serenely for the in-house heroine to give it shape.

(My dressing gown.)

Bobbie Oliver                 Valentine is pleased to inaugurate the new space with a                                                                solo exhibition curated with Mary-Ann Monforton.

                                                          Bobbie Oliver Paintings. 

                                                          September 25- October 18, 2015

                                                          Opening Reception Friday, September 25, 6-9 pm

Teal Daylight 68 x 63 2010

VALENTINE

581 Woodward Avenue

Ridgewood NY 11385

718 600 9417 

valentineridgewood@gmail.com

Friday-Sunday from 1-6pm and by appointment                                                          

Baby Don't Go

A strange phenomenon occurs when the summer is just about to depart. Like an expectant mother who, although weighted and unwieldy, suddenly throws herself into frenetic nesting, I try to fit in every last bit of the season despite the obvious shortening days and slanting shadows.  Right now, I am pool swimming each night after work, eating ice cream cones every chance I get, patio lounging with potentially ruinous abandon, and chasing the scent of lobster rolls to every shack and hole-in-the-wall around. Next weekend will be my last under-the-stars outdoor theater night until next summer.  I don't even want to talk about fall.

Maybe it was because this year's winter was so cold and cruel and I'm not anxious for a repeat.  Or maybe it's because this New England summer has been so lovely.  Or perhaps it's because I no longer have such a soul-crushing job and therefore, have the time to, well...smell the roses.  And the lemon-scented geraniums.  And the tomatoes...and fried clams...

But that doesn't explain this activity of mine at the end of every summer.  There is just something about the feeling that one is going to have to say goodbye soon that really makes me want to savor every last drop...of peach iced tea, that is.  Like the couple that visits New York City just before they are to be parted...running about experiencing everything "New York" just in the nick of time.  Making memories to sustain them until they meet again.

I can't imagine what it will be like when I don't reach for my favorite khaki shorts and sleeveless t-shirts anymore.  There is something so magical about a light breeze tickling the hair on one's bare arms.  This is the real fashion ease that we style editors are always extolling.  I dread thinking about layers and frozen toes and flannel nightgowns.  And yet, I feel the vibrations of those days - those sweater days - just over the pink and gold sunset.

Oh I'm sure they will arrive.  And once they do, I will adapt and even embrace them.  But for now...for today...you can find me lollygagging at dusk on a chaise in my backyard, or sitting at the town dock, ice cream dripping down my naked arm.