thoughts & photos from my 40th

On March 28, I turned 40. And, I have to say, it was one of my favourite birthdays.

The day before, my friend Cathy treated me to an amazing lunch at one of my fave local spots, Canteen. It was my first real ladydate after the egg retrieval so I was beyond excited to see Cathy (and to get out of the house & out of my sweatpants)! If you go, order the fry bread. It's delectable!

Cathy and my friend Ayesha also had Frickin' Delights Donuts delivered to my house that day. Could there be a better surprise than a donut surprise from kick arse friends? I think not.

The next day, Scotty, with the help of my talented friend Christine, threw me a surprise brunch cooking class at The Vitality Kitchen with some of my closest friends (my fave Crave cupcakes were there too). I burst into tears when I walked in and saw all of their faces! Not because I was sad, but because I had never felt so loved as I did in that moment. Best. feeling. ever.

Photo by my pal Christine Shankowsky of Just Bella Blog

The brunch was fun, educational and delicious (plus pretty! C did a lovely job as you can see above). I tried Cordyceps tea (a medicinal mushroom) and cashew cream for the first time and dug them both, while the others gave bulletproof coffee a try (a cup of joe avec coconut oil). We also learned heaps of interesting facts about food and nutrition from proprietress and chef Bianca, who, unbeknownst to Christine, I had already been following on Instagram for quite some time. Serendipity in action!

L to R: Christine, Bianca, me, Kat, Nathalie, Ayesha & Liz. Sadly missed: Rosa, Cathy, Caroline, Misty, Jessica & Malti.

That evening Scott and I had reservations at North 53 because their Rosy Cheeks cocktail, a libation inspired by Persian ice cream, is the most unctuous drink in the entire city. As we were walking towards the restaurant, I caught a glimpse of a man who looked like my brother sitting at one of the tables. Well, it was my brother! Scott had planned for my mom, dad, brothers and niece to join us at the restaurant as a surprise. Boy, do I love that guy! He made 40 very special for me.

My family. I love these people so dang much.

After dinner and dessert (a giant warm maple & chocolate skillet cookie with vanilla ice cream) we all traipsed over to our house to open presents and enjoy more dessert, a delicious white chocolate hazelnut torte made by my mom. We enjoyed the leftover torte the next day at a birthday dinner at my parent's house. Yup, more food! For our birthdays, my mom always cooks our favourite meals. She's the best.

One of the most special gifts I received, apart from Josephine, came from my 11 year old niece Raissa who wrote the loveliest poem about my blog. It was unexpected and so sweet.

The following weekend, my friend Ayesha planned another surprise birthday dinner at The Common with a few of my good pals. I ordered a Lavender Rocks, of course, another top notch beverage. But more important than any libation, I couldn't have asked for a lovelier birthday season or lovelier friends. Only time allows you to collect a quality crew of amazing people like I have in my life. The many texts, phone calls, cards and messages -- my heart was, and still is, so full. Thank you all!

People have asked me how I feel about turning 40 or if I feel differently. The truth is I don't get nervous or scared about birthdays and this one was no different, although it does feel so adult, so official. Most days I don't feel like a grown up at all and I keep waiting for someone to knock on the door and demand I return my adult card. And while 40 feels so big, I'm embracing this decade with an open heart and mind. I have no idea what the future holds but I grew so much in the past decade (mostly in my backside, har har) I'm excited to see what this next decade holds for me.

Here's what I know for certain:

• Family is everything.
• I have the best friends I've ever had. 
• It's okay not to fit in. I don't at times and quite often I get along better with kids. Go figure.
• Age is relative and totally dependent on your attitude.
• Confidence comes from being yourself.
• I'm much stronger than I ever knew. 
• It's liberating not caring what people think of you. Which goes along with this practical wisdom from a speech John Gardner gave at Stanford University, 61 years after he graduated: "You come to understand that most people are neither for you nor against you; they are thinking about themselves. You learn that no matter how hard you try to please, some people in this world are not going to love you, a lesson that is at first troubling and then really quite relaxing."
• Just because I'm 40 doesn't mean I should have everything together and that's okay. I'm still learning, growing and figuring things out, like how to stop worrying so much. 
• I'm at peace with my body, jiggly bits and all. I talked about that in depth here. That doesn't mean I don't want things to jiggle. It just means I'd rather eat or read than exercise. 
• Further to that, a good night's sleep, laughter and plenty of water are better than botox. 
• Life is too short (and precious) to allow drama or toxic people in your life. 
• There's nothing wrong with setting boundaries, for family and friends.
• It's perfectly fine to ask for help and support. I did in this post!
• Pursuing your passion is good for the soul.
• It's a waste of time to compare yourself to others.
• And I'll leave you with this, my mom was right about almost everything. She's going to love reading that! And I'm going to love travelling with her this Saturday! Eeek, I'm still vibrating from Tuesday's surprise!

Thank you for being part of my journey, too.

Here's to living our lives to the fullest no matter how old, or young, we are! Cheers to 40!

scott surprised me with a trip to...

I don't know where! Yes, you read that correctly. Tonight Scott surprised me with the news that on Saturday morning, this Saturday, my mom and I are heading somewhere warm for a week of rest and relaxation! AHHH. This guy of mine! My heart has been beating out of my chest with excitement since he told me. 

I have to be honest, as a major trip planner, this is all a bit surreal to me. That being said, I'm glad he gave me a few days to pack, shop (whenever a trip is imminent I freak out and feel like I need to buy ALL the things) and get back down to earth. Hours later and my head is still in the clouds. 

Has someone ever surprised you like this? How did you handle the news? After he told me, I burst into tears of joy and then kept on repeating, "Is this for real?" "This isn't a joke?" "Is this really happening?" Which is exactly what I said when he proposed to me thirteen years ago. Go figure.

Follow along on Instagram and Facebook to find out where the heck we're going. You'll get to find out when I do. I still can't believe it -- what an incredibly unexpected and beautiful surprise! Thank you so much, Scotty!

P.S. The craziest coincidence? I purchased this gorgeous Topshop bathing suit a couple of weeks ago for a song and was bemoaning the fact I had nowhere to wear it. Isn't life funny!?

Arabesque

After 15 years of lessons as a girl, ballet has always remained close to my heart.  The best way to enjoy ballet is to see it performed live in a theater - nothing quite matches it because ballet requires an audience to give it life.  The excitement before the rise of the curtain along with the breathtaking moment when the lights dim and the stage suddenly opens to pure fantasy, creates vital energy for the dance.  When my craving could not be satisfied with live ballet anywhere nearby, a friend and I slipped into a local cinema after work that was telecasting a performance of the Russian Bolshoi Ballet's Ivan the Terrible.

The cinema was dark, hushed and cool.  Fortunately, I thought to bring my work bag pashmina and as I draped it about my shoulders, I nestled in with a weary sigh to watch the screen.  Not exactly a romantic ballet, Ivan the Terrible was exquisitely danced with the enduring magic I was longing for.  The choreography was a mosaic of complexities in perfect harmony with the music.  The arabesques and pirouettes were stylized...precise, but also bewitching and graceful.  The story was interpreted beautifully - it was deliciously brooding but not at all depressing and I soon became lost and swept away for two blissful hours.

I am incredibly busy right now.  This past week I hosted an open house at my new job.  Part of my role is ambassadress of my boss' brand.  It was a great success but required lots of fancy footwork and coordination as well.  And connections, including the mayor's office and the newspapers.  In a way, I cut my teeth because I haven't entertained in a big way for a very long time.  Now I am off to orchestrate a bridal shower for my daughter and of course the penultimate party of all - her wedding in July.  My calendar is filled with appointments, calls to make, and errands - so many errands.  Every time I cross something off my list, 3 more tasks magically appear.  It has been happily challenging...and stressful.

Still, in the midst of all the joyous chaos to come, I will don an air of quiet grace and understated elegance, and my intention is to perfect a flawless arabesque of my own.

a new bike!

Friends, meet Josephine.

Josephine is a Linus Dutchi 3. And I love her!

I've wanted a Dutch-inspired city bike with a basket for years. A friend had posted about her recent Linus purchase on Facebook. Turns out she had bought her bike on sale at Cranky's, a family owned St. Albert bike shop. That same week Scott and I hightailed it to Cranky's. We both test rode the Dutchi and the Mixte. I preferred the 'big bum' seat and the pretty coral colour of the Dutchi so they suited her up with a basket and bell and now she's mine! I'm thrilled with the Dutchi, which is cute, comfy and smooth to ride. She's going to be ideal for farmer's market runs, neighbourhood jaunts and hauling coke slurps from 7-11. I've already taken her out a few times and on each ride, I felt like an eight year old again, hair flying in the wind and not a worry in the world. That's the beauty of being on a bike. John F. Kennedy was on point when he said, "Nothing compares to the simple pleasure of a bike ride."

I also can't say enough about the service and people at Cranky's. On each of our visits, we were super impressed with their welcoming and helpful staff, especially Brad. Highly recommend! As with all my posts, I wasn't paid to write a glowing review nor was my bike comped. This post was sponsored entirely by my favourite dude, Scotty.  

Do you have a bike? Which kind? I'd recommend a Linus if you're in the market!

P.S. With this present, my 40th birthday season is officially over (a post on all things birthday is coming up next Thursday).

Spring's Blithe Spirit

Pussy willows are such a welcome harbinger of spring.  Soft as kittens' ears but built on sturdy stalks, they are the essence of the season's changeableness.  They used to be plentiful when I was a girl but now I only see them in the shops.  My mother loved when we brought them home in our arms as this young lass is doing.  I remember them in tall vases on the hi-fi console and beside one of the two fireplaces.  They still remind me her because she exclaimed over them so.

Each season seems to have its rituals and one of mine is clearing out my closet or "turning" it, as in putting my winter sweaters and boots to bed and replacing them with my lighter wardrobe.  This year I can't gauge the right time for the task - it's still cold yet I'm aching to wear my favorite spring things:  an ivory waffle-piqu� coat with a butter yellow lining and pink piping, a deep coral cotton sweater, and a graphic cool taupe skirt with jaunty dots of gold and rose.  I've never been adept at transition dressing so the simple strategy that works for me is to wear some woolen things in sunny-side- up colors for both warmth and cheer.  But research for my weekly style column finds me pouring over pretty images of clothes with a carefree blithe spirit that includes floaty blouses with blouson sleeves and romantic cuffs with buttons, and winsome dresses in sherbet colors.  There is a fanciful weightlessness to fashion this spring, as if we are to be extra kissed for our extra winter.

Our model is lovely in her grey striped suit and feminine bow blouse.  She is ready for spring's hide and seek as noted by the pale blue gloves on her hands.  But the real foretell of the season rests in her arms - delicate yet hardy masses of spring's blithe spirit.  And in my mother's joyful noise.

April, Come She Will

A dear friend sent me the most beautiful CD of clear lilting music.  She listens to it during facials and bought two copies, one for me.  Track two is particularly lovely - it's music I imagine as the backdrop to some of my favorite April films.  I hear it echo as I think of Maud Baily in Possession weeping on the floor near her running bath after realizing that her life has been nothing if not loveless.  It plays again as Beth Goodwin in See You in the Morning stands riveted beside the piano of her dead husband.  It is the eve of her second marriage and she relives in detail, her first.  Each heartrending strain arouses my sympathy for her enduring devotion to the man who abandoned her by suicide.  I hear it again as Linda Radlett travels alone by train from Italy to France where she is leaving Christian in a flood of tears only to meet Fabrice, the soon-to-be love of her life in Love in a Cold Climate.  These women are the exemplar heroines of my favorite April movies and my new CD has me thinking of them in the car on my way to work these early spring days.

Until Mary Haynes in The Women (1939) decides to reunite with her estranged husband Stephen, her face is suffused with a sorrow that no number of diamond bracelets on her graceful wrist can erase. The delicate flute on Track 3 nearly has mist gathering in my eyes when I think of Mary's ache as she gently tells her child about Daddy's disappearance.  And the same flute pipes poignantly as friends gather near for the spring brunch she bravely hosts amidst her secret pain.

When Lottie Wilkins and Rose Arbuthnot in Enchanted April step forth into the Italian countryside after their rainy English winter, my heart sighs along with theirs.  Track 6 plays on as I almost smell the hibiscus and bougainvillea that embrace them along with the reaching arms of the sun.  But it is solitary Caroline Dester I root for in the end as she changes the most - just as the winds and husbands blow in, she transforms from femme-fatale to generous friend.  And love finds her yet.

All my April heroines have things in common besides being exquisitely fashionable:  they are determined, hardy survivors who come back to life in spring.  They suffer and lose and then create new worlds to inhabit and flourish in. Just as the earth renews itself alongside them.  The very spindles that prick their dainty fingers have the power to take them out...but it only serves to make them stronger.  

Track 10's triumphant chords are perfect for the final scenes when we discover that new beginnings often don't come at the beginning at all...sometimes, they come at last.  In April.

CD:  The Silent Path ~ Robert Haig Coxon (Thank you Kay!)